……….

I’m not the strongest of people
My heart breaks too easily
My eyes fill up faster than it takes to stop the flow
My mood constantly dangling between pitch blackness and grey
My head like a packed club house
Forever loud up there
living with caution
Fear clouding my every move

I’m not the most perfect of people
I have my insecurities
My flaws and all
Huge Walls around my weakness
Smiles hiding my pain.
My mind filled with words unsaid

I’m not the best of people
Burning bridges my forte
My anger like a natural disaster
Unpredictable and uncontrollable
Train wreck waiting to happen

But Despite my shortcomings.
I’m the most loved of people
Loved with a love too great to be explained
Unconditional, unlimited and complete love
His love encircles me
His love gives me the strength to carry on
His love gives me the grace to be better
I’m perfect in his eyes.
Yes. His love makes me whole

Thank You Lord For loving me

Out of Place

Perhaps I stepped into the wrong universe

Crowded room.
Happy faces.
So much joy and laughter.

I should feel it too
But no. All I feel is doom

Finally spot the reason I’m here

Can’t shake off this feeling.
Outsider outsider

He hasn’t changed much.
Deeper furrows line his Forehead
The same great hug

But I Still can’t shake off the feeling.
The voices. Forget it. Give it up

The same words I repeat to myself everyday
My personal mantra

I feel it from somewhere within
The urge to run is becoming stronger

Flee flee. You don’t belong here.
Maybe if I walk straight, they won’t notice that I don’t belong

I stood half a chance
Wonder what made me believe I could do this

Finally, I can’t stand it anymore
The voices in my head screaming at highest pitch
Outsider outsider

So I flee from it all.
Just keep walking. Yes that’s it.
Fresh air finally. I can breathe now
Relief

But not for long.
Silent sobs
Threatening to let loose
Increased pace.
Got ta escape.
Find release.

what’s the problem sister?

The cab man’s voice brings me back

The visitor from the city

I havent been on here in a reallyyyyyy long while and i really miss writing. I’ve kind of been on hibernation and I haven’t written or drawn since forever. I went through some stuff and I Kind of became really into how people will look at me, fear of being judged or looked at as weak if I let all my feelings out in what I write.
My creativity level is so low right now and I suck but I think I’m finally ready to get back at it and hopefully be more active . I love to write and it has always been therapeutic for me, being able to let go and just put things down.
Although, i have a new blog which is a personal style/fashion blog “http://Cassiedaves.blogspot.com”

Anyways, i was going through some of my writings from way back and decided to share this here.
Hope you like it

………….

I am usually a heavy sleeper but last night i found it hard to sleep.
Something about the visitor from the city we had at the hut earlier that day irked me.
Papa had had called her Miss Victoria.
I got back from the farm to find a shiny black car parked in our yard,out of curiousity i rushed into the kitchen. Mama was serving fufu with the special plates, the ones we used only on special occasions.
Adaora e bata go,hope the sun wasnt too hot? ,mama asked. Drop your things and go and greet your aunty from the city.
I wanted to ask how come im just knowing i have an aunty in the city but i did as i was told.
I stepped into the sitting room and there sitting beside papa was probably the most beautiful woman i had eva seen, she looked like one of those women in the magazine Nkem my elder brother read.
She studied me as i studied her
Have you lost your manners? Papa yelled and that brought me back.
I quickly mumbled a sorry,greated them and retreated to my room.

I was awake that night,so i heard them arguing. Papa and mama rarely raised their voices but that night they did.
You know we cant afford to take care of all the children and moreover the Miss promised to enroll her in a scholl, papa said. Di’m havent we been managing,let us manage. Ada nwa’m cant be anyones slave, i heard Mama cry for the 1st time and then i knew they were arguing about me, i knew then what the woman called Miss Victoria had come for.
I didnt like that they were arguing or that mama was crying and i knew that i would go if it’d make it better.
I knew we didnt have money and that was why i had to stop going to school and help with the farming.
A tear escaped my eyes before the sleep finally set in